14 months waiting for "The Call"

I asked SiLas today if he still feels like the Lizard in his painting and he said,
"Yep, more than ever. I feel more focused and mellow just like a Lizard."
Then I asked him how he feels when he thinks about the transplant and he said, " I
still get freaked out thinking about the surgery, I wish they could just fix my lungs so I wouldn't have to have the surgery. I know there is a chance I could just die on the operating table. But then theres the
possibility of breathing better too, so I just distract myself and focus on living." I asked him if he believes in reincarnation, and he responded with, " I'm still trying to figure out living, I can't think about dying. I just want to Live my Life without thinking about the transplant every day. Thinking about it isn't going to change the outcome one way or another."